I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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