The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
