ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
