Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
