Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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