I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
