Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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