Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
