My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You were trust falling into bushes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
