Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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