You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
