I CAN MOONWALK!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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