Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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