My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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