Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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