Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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