I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
