If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
