Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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