I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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