she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
