this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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