JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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