Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
