Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
