True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
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Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
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Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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