you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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