So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
