I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
