i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
