i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
