They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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