I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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