whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
