i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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