i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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