I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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