I just saw a hot homeless man
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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