you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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