And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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