i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
