I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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