You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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