She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
