he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
