i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
