i think my tv is drunk
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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