Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's shark week go big or go home
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
