Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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