I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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