dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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