were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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