It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
