Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
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Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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