He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
