My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
