okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
