My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
