She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
