Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
