i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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