either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
