I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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