respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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