Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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