Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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