You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
