The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
