the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
