So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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