ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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