Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
