She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
