Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
